Checking The Box
'Cause you can sing all you want to
Yes, you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to
And still get it wrong, oh worship is more than a song
Clear The Stage - Jimmy Needham
When I was at my FaithWalk, I told a friend I did not feel I had a story or a testimony that would ever be worth sharing with others. He responded to me that everyone has a story.
That thought stuck with me, and a few months ago, God allowed me to share my testimony with a large group of fellow Believers. That was an incredible experience that I will never forget.
Testimony has been on a lot of people's minds lately. It is the topic in every group that I have participated in recently. The underlying message has been strong in my mind, and I have heard it.
Our Stories Matter
My church has even been doing a series called This Is Us, in which they have asked different church members to share their stories and how Christ is moving in their lives.
Hearing other people’s testimonies has inspired me to share my own. I promise to keep it as short as possible. I am sharing this to glorify Christ and how He forever changed my life. I hope those who read this will feel encouraged to share their stories with those around them, and maybe you will find some relatability between my story and yours. We are all part of God's story.
My Testimony
I do not remember growing up when I was not involved with the church. In my family, going to church was our Sunday routine. Most churches have families that are always at church; this was my family.
I joined my youth group as soon as I was old enough to and became as actively involved in it as possible. Being a kid who hated school, the church was where I felt I could always be myself.
One Sunday, when I was moving from 5th to 6th grade, I received a Bible from our pastor. I remember feeling stressed about what I would do with my Bible. I knew that the Bible was important, but at that time in my life, I didn't care. All I saw was another book to place on my bookshelf.
That was where it went as soon as I got home from church that day, where it stayed for years and years. When others would try to encourage me to spend time reading or studying it, I would always find a way not to do so. I never felt a need or had a desire to do this. I believed my faith was growing through other people like my parents and others I was around who seemed to have stronger faith than I did. I was doing nothing to develop a real, personal relationship with Christ.
When it came to prayer, I would try and pray each night. I would usually try and pray because my parents taught me to do that. I would stay up very late each night, and by the time I would drift off to sleep, I would try to remember to say some prayers. I'd feel so guilty about daydreaming and allowing my mind to drift that I'd give up on praying most nights. On other nights, I'd fall asleep soon after attempting to pray. You see, I was calling it prayer, but it wasn't. I wasn't talking to God. There was never any thought or emotion behind my words. I didn't know what or why I was doing it. The guilt that I felt caused me to make up excuses in my mind. If God knew everything about me, I thought He'd know I meant well. He'd know that I tried to pray, and it just wasn't for me, and He'd be okay with that. That was how I made myself feel better about it, but deep down, I knew I was missing something.
I was around twelve years old when talks of being baptized began. I had seen many of my friends get baptized already, and each time, I'd think - I'm never going up in front of the church congregation again. That was terrifying. One day, my parents came into my room and told me that our pastor could arrange a private Saturday baptism for just him and my family. My mom was also holding a James Avery Jewelry catalog in her hand. She told me I could pick out a cross necklace if I went along and got baptized with my older brother. That was enough to get me excited. I would have a private Saturday baptism, and I would get to pick out a cross necklace. It was going to be great!
At my baptism, the pastor asked me if I believed that Jesus was the Son of God and if I accepted Him as my personal LORD and Savior. I said yes. I had no idea the gravity of that one word. I didn't know what I was saying yes to. I understood the belief in Jesus part, but the acceptance of Jesus as my personal LORD and Savior part was lost on me at the time.
After being baptized, I thought I had it all figured out. I wasn't taking any action toward having a relationship with Christ and was making up my flawed definitions of what being a Christian or Believer was all about. I had somehow determined that being a Christian only meant three things:
1. Belief in God,
2. Belief in Jesus, and
3. Go to church
That should be easy enough. I also thought wearing that cross necklace made me more of a Christian. I had no idea how much I was missing. I had no idea the immeasurable difference between simply going through the motions and checking off a box each week that says I went to church and having a real and personal relationship with Christ.
I knew of him, but I most certainly did not know him. For most of my life, it was this way. I was going through the motions but not doing anything to know Christ or have a real relationship with Him.
I played drums in my church's contemporary worship service for six years. Even while I was a part of the worship service each week, I was not growing in my faith. Instead, the service became more of a weekly rock concert for me than anything else. After taking a break from the service for a few months, I was shocked when I tried to come back and was told by the worship leader that I wouldn't be able to come back because he didn't think I wanted to rejoin for the right reasons. He told me he didn't feel my heart was in the right place.
He was right. It wasn't. I let anger and pride overtake my emotions, and I stopped going to church altogether.
Between the years 2013 - 2017, many things changed in my life. I lost my dad to cancer, lost my job, and went through a divorce, all within that short amount of time.
Those events created a much deeper desire in me to know Christ. I had the desire, but I was still unsure what to do about it.
What Changed?
The quick answer to that question would be this:
I was one way, and then I wasn't; the difference was HIM!
I met Ashlie four years ago on a Saturday night in a bar. Ashlie showed up and immediately began talking to me about all the amazing things Jesus was doing in her life. I remember thinking someone other than me was the right guy for her. I was in a bar on a Saturday night, listening to a band, and she was talking to me about Jesus.
Ashlie had also been married before, and she had three kids. I do not have any kids of my own. I did not know it then, but God was taking me by the hand and guiding me through every step of this new relationship.
Each day, I could feel God's presence walking me through the slow process of gaining their trust. Early into our relationship, I was invited to join Ashlie and the kids at her church. I had not been in church in more than a decade and was reluctant to go. I knew that this would be a great way to show her that I cared and I wanted to be everywhere they were.
Ashlie and I made Christ the focal point of our relationship from night one in that bar. We'd talk a lot about our faith together. I would tell her it frustrated me to hear stories about people who would listen to the Holy Spirit speak to them. I would tell her Christ had never spoken to me like that before.
In 2019, my friend and pastor, Chris Willcutt, called me and asked me to consider joining his D-Group, which he would begin at the first of the year. He gave me a brief description of D-Group by telling me it was for those who desired a deeper relationship with Christ. God placed my name upon Chris's heart as one of the four men asked to join this D-Group, which was incredibly impactful. My church has a lot of other men in it, and I could not figure out why I was being thought of for something like this. Why me?
Chris held a meeting in his office one Sunday with the four other men and me. He gave us a better understanding of what would be involved if we joined D-Group. After hearing that it involved daily Bible reading, I immediately thought that Chris had made a massive mistake asking me to join. I'd tried that many times before and failed every time. He told us that it was a big and personal decision. He gave each of us one week to decide whether this was for us.
That same Sunday, I was sitting in church, and the word - INTENTIONAL was written in blocks across the stage. Chris's entire sermon was about how we should not sit comfortably in our chairs as followers of Christ. We needed to become less comfortable and more intentional about showing and sharing Christ with others. Upon hearing this, I had chills roll over my body. My eyes filled with tears, and I could practically hear a voice telling me to -
GET UP and GO!
At that moment, I knew what I was supposed to do. I remember bowing, praying, and saying, “Okay, God, I hear You. I'm going!”
That same Sunday, immediately after church, I sent a text message to Chris that said, “I don't need a week to decide; I'm in!”
Soon after that, our D-Group began, and a short time after that, the COVID-19 Pandemic started. One by one, the other guys in our group dropped out for one reason or another. Chris could have called it quits and given up on me; he didn't, and the D-Group experience truly changed my life.
Each day, I began spending time in the Word. I would pray to God, telling Him how much I wanted to get to know Christ and that this time, I was going to spend every day of my life proving that to Him.
D-Group is about being a disciple and making other disciples. In Matthew 28, Jesus tells his disciples to go and make other disciples. I became passionate about this. I want to go and help create other disciples.
This past year, I led my own D-Group. Five other men were in my group, and I am hopeful they will lead their D-Groups one day.
Ashlie and I were married in April 2021. We decided to involve the kids in the ceremony by saying vows to them and each other and allowing them to say vows back to us. Towards the end of our wedding, Chris asked me to pray over my new family. It hit me so hard just how far God had taken me.
Making the kids part of the proposal was the only way to do this right. How did I ever get an 18 year old to put on one of these shirts? Thank you, Andrew for helping me pull this proposal off. I couldn’t have done it without you.
A moment I will never forget. Praying over my new family and realizing how far God has taken me.
A few months later, I was blessed to stand in the baptistry while my ten-year-old son, Zach, made Jesus the boss of his life. That is a moment I will never forget.
A moment I will never forget. My son, Zachary professed his faith before our church.
One of my favorite verses is in James. It personifies the difference between my old life, which was only going through the motions, vs. my life now that I know Christ.
"But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds."
James 2:18 NIV
My Bible that I received in 5th grade that I let sit on my bookshelf for far too long.
Faith requires action. It does not ride on the coattails of others. It is more than just going to church or wearing a cross necklace.
I still have my old Bible. It sat unopened on my bookshelf for almost 40 years, but it has been with me this entire time, just like Christ has been with me the whole time.
Jesus showed up and became the boss of my life as soon as I became obedient and surrendered my life to Him.
I hope that you feel inspired to share it. We are all part of God's story, which is that we are all part of the same story.
