Another In the Fire

There’s a grace when the heart is under fire
Another way when the walls are closing in
And when I look at the space between
Where I used to be and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone

Another In The Fire - Hillsong United

I have always loved that song and its meaning. When I created this blog, I remember that most people I talked to about it would tell me to be careful, asking God to help me face the lions. Facing the lions meant I couldn't live in fear but instead by faith. I would trust that God would see me through all things and that His plan was the only plan that mattered. I still feel this way, but these past three or four weeks have caused me to pause and reflect in ways that I have never done before.

On Tuesday, January 19th, I couldn't sleep. My fever shot up to 101.8, and I knew something was wrong. The next day, I took the rapid test, which returned negative. They did a more invasive and thorough examination, which returned positive for COVID-19. I didn't feel too bad, but I had a fever that wouldn't go away. About two days later, my fiance was diagnosed, but she didn't have the same experience as me. She felt pretty good, and we were just happy that the doctor said we could quarantine together.

She came and picked me up and was terrific at taking care of me. We'd take walks to keep our energy up and lay on the trampoline together. Doing this helped both of us breathe better, and the cool air filling our lungs was beneficial.

Let’s Go

On day 10, things were the same. We got up and began our regular morning walk. About halfway, I turned to my fiance and said that I needed to turn back. I was so winded and didn't have the energy to make it as far as I had the previous days. 

I had gotten excited the day before because I thought my fever was breaking. I was mistaken, and it shot right back up. I also needed to check my temperature and oxygen levels. It was nerve-racking to watch my oxygen levels drop. I would sit there and spend time breathing deep and getting those numbers back up. I was determined.

I had been struggling to breathe normally for that entire day. I was determined not to go to the hospital, but I was tired of working so hard to breathe and was getting very anxious watching my oxygen levels drop. I finally looked at Ashlie and said, "Let's go. I'm ready." 

That night, we were in the ER all night long. They stuck needles in me and ran all kinds of tests. They told me in the ER that I had Pneumonia in both lungs. I was aggravated because Urgent Care had told me just two days before that I did not have Pneumonia. 

I also felt terrible for Ashlie because she never left my side in the ER. She stayed with me all night and was in this uncomfortable chair. She was amazing.

Isolation

After spending the entire night in the ER, I finally got a room, and this is when they finally made Ashlie and I part ways. We did not want to leave one another. I was happy to be in a big room with a better bed, but I would have preferred to be home with her. I had been keeping this COVID experience under wraps, but once I knew I would be admitted to the hospital, I decided to call my mom and let my family know what was happening. They were great; my entire family rallied to support and pray for us.

That first day in the hospital, I was determined to do everything anyone told me I should do. I was up and out of bed, doing everything I could to stay active and keep my oxygen and energy up. I immediately felt better once I knew that my oxygen levels were getting better. Yet, I was still trying to figure out when I could leave and was determined to go as soon as possible.

There’s Another In The Fire

The entire time I was in the hospital, I never felt alone. My childhood youth pastor sent me a text message. He, too, had been in the hospital with Covid months before me. He sent me a lesson I have taken to heart, which changed my entire experience. He told me that when he was in the hospital, everything changed for him when he stopped pleading with God to make him better, but instead, I began to thank God for every single good thing that has ever happened in his life. He told me to do the same thing. That's precisely what I did. I got on that hospital bed, and I prayed. I started in my mind at the beginning of my life and tried to do as my old pastor had suggested by thanking God for everything I could think of, thanking God for every person I could think of, and every single experience I could think of. When I did this, I immediately felt like the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. I had been stressing about being unable to work, my health, and many other things. I had been feeling alone in that hospital. None of these feelings were the same after I prayed and began to switch my tone. Once I did this, I found myself being so overwhelmed with gratefulness. Many people would text me to check on me, and I would tell each of them that God was with me and that I was not alone. He was there the entire time. He saw me through a scary situation.

It Is Well With My Soul

After three days in the hospital, I was on the phone with Ashlie when the doctor came in. She jokingly asked if she could pick me up, and to our surprise, the doctor said she could come to get me. I about fell out of bed and began packing up my stuff. I was so happy and excited to be going home! I've never packed a bag that quickly before!

That first Sunday after getting home, I was back at Grawood worshiping. I was utterly overwhelmed with the feeling that God had been there with me the entire time. The music, the message, everything was perfect. I felt like I was floating the whole day.

God is amazing. He saw me through a scary time. He never left my side. All glory to HIM.