Nowhere Man

He's a real nowhere man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Doesn't have a point of view
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man - The Beatles

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. A few Sundays ago, when I was in Sunday School, our teacher said something about how we spend more time with God during the good times than the bad. I remember disagreeing with that statement in my head. The question being asked was - When Do You Hear God Speak? It’s interesting how I can answer that question quickly and confidently on some days and then draw a total blank to the same question on other days.

I have been feeling a lot like the guy in the blog image. A guy walking through life on a well-lit path. The path is indeed well-lit, but the destination is entirely unknown. What is to the left and right also seems unknown, just like in the image. Also, like in the image, there is never any sense in turning around and going the other way.

I started on a new path in late December when I decided to accept and join my D-Group bible study. I was so pumped up about it. It didn’t take long for D-Group to begin to change my life in so many fantastic ways. It taught me to be in the word every single day. I could feel my faith growing. I could feel my confidence in speaking or writing about my faith growing. I was determined to go all in and push myself and my faith harder than ever before.

As COVID-19 began to take its course in my state, it instantly seemed as though the bright and shiny path of 2020 was now an unstable mystery path with many obstacles and uncertainties.
Slowly, I began to see the five members of my D-Group begin to lessen. A group of five would become a group of four, and then three. I am determined to see it through because I’ve already seen the result. Maybe I should take that statement back because I hope the result is even more significant than I have already felt. When this whole thing started, I was a guy who didn’t know how to speak to others about my faith. I didn’t want to be the guy called on to pray aloud. I never knew how to pray over someone I love and care about. Those were all things I would have never done before this experience and things that come naturally to me now; I am grateful for that. However, the fire that burned so hot inside me in January has died down to nothing more than a low flickering light, and I am back to searching for something to reignite that same energy and passion that I had back in January. I prayed for God to force me to face the lions, and I guess COVID-19 and all the other things that 2020 has thrown our way have been some of those lions.

Maybe this is normal, and any Christ-follower has felt exactly like I’m feeling. I am sure that I’m not alone.

When Do You Hear God Speak?

It may not make sense to anyone reading this, but if I were to answer this question for myself, I would say that I hear God speak every time a cool breeze hits me. The problem is that there are too many cool breezes that I ignore. There are too many days when life ultimately gets in the way of the things that matter the most. There are days when I feel I am going 100mph to be doing nothing but staying exactly where I was the day before. It’s a strange feeling.

A few months ago, my group began to show its cracks. People were struggling to find the time to commit to it. Daily time with God should not be difficult, but I find it as complex as the others did months ago. I cannot answer the question of why that is.

The one thing I know to be true is that this experience has created a thirst that wasn’t there before. For me, it is almost like going for a long time without water. I feel like a nowhere man when I am not in the Word. I feel like all my plans are just clutter and meaningless. Then I begin to feel thirsty and crave it. It’s easy to get down on myself for the lack of commitment these past few weeks, but this is not the first time I’ve ever felt this way or dealt with that feeling. It is easily fixable, and God will always be ready to speak when I dive back in.

It is normal to feel overwhelmed; I feel overwhelmed about many things. Through this Bible journaling process and being in a D-group, I've learned that one of the best ways to slow down and eliminate the overwhelming feeling is to stop and pray.

One of my favorite John Lennon lyrics is - “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” I want to slow it all down. Life can’t be this busy. I want to dive back in. The only plan that matters is HIS plan.

If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.

1 Peter‬ ‭4:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬